The Little Self and the Big Problem
Realizing your story is false and the narrative running through your head is a lie doesn't stop it.
Once a narrative has latched onto you, it's a wolverine with his teeth sunk deep into your calf and no other plans for the day. Why is it so hard to shake? Why it it so hard to drop the story? What keeps it coming back into your head like an irritating dime store jingle?
I know that is pretty self-evident, but look deeper. Who is the primary focus of your story. You may think it's the boss who fired you, the girl-friend who dumped you, god who let your child die, but that's just the surface. When you really start picking it apart, it's you looking back. The story is about you. You were dumped, you were left without your child, without the job. You are the one left hurting. You are the one suffering.
Realizing it's you suffering, here in reality and in the story tells you one thing. The story is perpetuating the suffering.
Too often, you just plain don't want to drop the story. Again, you are the cause. You are hurt and your ego won't let go of it. Ego is a substantial foe here, one not easily vanquished. Recognizing your ego doesn't want to drop the narrative is the first step in releasing it.
Anytime you are accepting the story in your mind, you are accepting a lie. This is an argument with what actually is. This is always a losing argument. This is always going to cause suffering.
I found issues arising I wasn't getting past. Every time I'd inquire into the issue, realize the premise of the narrative was not true, the thought seemed to go away only to return moments later. Knowing it was untrue wasn't the end of the story. I had to dig deeper. Understanding I was hurt and didn't wish to let it go brought up the reasons I felt hurt. Until I understood those reasons were just as bogus as the story running through my head and it was my ego supporting those reasons, it wouldn't stop.
Ultimately everything we think is real is a projection of our mind. Everything is filtered through the senses. Important here, it is filtered through our perceptions, interpreted in relation to our past, and skewed by our wants, desires, and our ego. It is little wonder our stories are not true.
Getting to the bottom of your suffering is not for the faint of heart, but will bring you peace.
It is worth the battle.
Heroes, Villains, and Victims